Have you ever noticed when you set out to be profound it never works? The result just ends up being a bunch of pretentious and sugary nonsense that has little to no substance whatsoever? That’s what usually happens for me anyway. It’s kind of funny when I think about it. Why do I feel the need to be profound? I think it’s because of feeling insecure in my own intellect that drives me to want to create something that will make people sit back, scrunch their eyebrows together, and say ‘hmmm…’ I think it’s also about being “grown up” and held to different expectations. And in writing this, I come face to face with how very ridiculous the whole practice is. I’m reminded of my friend, foxchild, and our conversations about desiring validation from others. And I’m reminded of how much room I have to grow, but not necessarily up. And that is a positive and exciting thing.
I am sitting outside and there is a little boy, maybe about 5 or 6 yrs old and a young woman playing together in the pool and tossing something back and forth. Every 45 seconds or so, the little boy erupts in giggles and my mouth instinctively stretches into a large smile and I giggle, too. The air is warm and the wind soft and gentle. And in hearing the boy’s laughter and adding my own to the harmony, I am happy to just be. When do we lose that joy? Why do we lose it? Why is it that mainstream culture encapsulates that warmth and boxes it in to only the early part of our lives, deeming it inappropriate, immature, or naive after a certain age? Responsibilities, “cognitive complexity” – honestly, to me it sounds like a bunch of shit. Excuses. Who’s to say that responsibility and youthfulness aren’t compatible? Why does everything have to be polarized? I look at the little boy playing, and I find myself connecting to a part of myself that doesn’t get to see the sun as much as it should.
This is certainly not to say that I don’t value introspection, reflection, analyzing, intellectual capacity, and other things that are maybe more”adult-like.” But I think that, as a whole, we, as a society, take ourselves too seriously most of the time and don’t place enough value on things we should. Why do we have nap time in kindergarten when we’re full to the brim with energy and don’t have it when we’re adults and are desperately in need of it? Why do we love playing in the rain when we’re 8 yrs old but worry more about our hair getting messed up or mascara running as adults? I need to play more often. I don’t think we need to grow up. I think we need to grow out. Out of the compartments and boxes the majority culture endorses. Outside of lines and constrictions so that we can see ourselves as whole, as we are seen and known by Spirit.