I’ve been thinking more about the whole issue of questioning the possibility of finding “my match” – the someone with whom I can share my life. Reflecting on this issue further, I began to think back to my archetypes. In talking with my dear friend, foxchild, I explained my experiences of initially reading Sacred Contracts and questioning whether Mystic was one of my 12 archetypes. We reviewed how the Mystic is an archetype many initially reach for until they find out what it means and what it can entail: solitude, being disowned by friends and family, harshness, etc. When I prepared to “come out” to my parents, facing the possibility of being disowned was very real. And yet, for me, it felt like not coming out was not an option because it would involve denying my very being. This certainty in needing to come out did not undermine the extreme and intense heartache I would feel if I were disowned (which I wasn’t, btw).
All this lead me to question of solitude and whether, if I am to achieve the kind of connection to Divinity that I yearn for and dream of, am I to give up finding a life mate? Is that the price? Foxchild and I discussed the notion of sacrifice, but throughout our entire conversation, there was something within me railing against this idea – this idea that seemed so disgustingly patriarchal and laden with guilt and not-having. It could not be possible. That kind of price seems typical of the Judeo-Christian god, yes, but it did not seem to mesh in my heart and in my spirit of SHE to whom I have pledged my devotion.
After hanging up, I got ready for bed and continued mulling over this issue. I took a step back from the situation to examine it from a larger perspective. Which would be more difficult: to give in to the possibility of not finding someone with whom to share my life or to dare to imagine that the kind of man with whom I would be amazingly compatible and thus make myself incredibly vulnerable and open? Hmmm…that took about two seconds to answer. In my experience, the more difficult option, the one that requires more risk, is usually the one that is right. And then it hit me. I thought back to a section of Venus for a Day and remembered one of the characters explaining SHE and acknowledging the need for a lover on the journey upon which Sydney was embarking, indicating that SHE would never venture on such a journey without a partner. Well, it was something like that anyway. And something clicked in my heart, in my spirit, and in my mind. Humans are social beings. We are much stronger and much more effective in our tasks when we work together. Why in the world, when we are setting out on such a formidable task – to bring healing to the world – would it make sense to do it alone? It does not.
And so, I have decided to dare. To dare to imagine the kind of man that would be my partner in life, in love, in the task that I see inherent in my vocation and my evolution (and his, no doubt). After all, leap and the net will appear…