I’ve been writing about all these changes I’ve been experiencing the past few months, feeling as though I’m transitioning to a new stage in my spiritual development. I’ve got the whole butterfly metaphor thing going on in addition to the one about standing on the edge of the precipice…I think they all really say the same thing. Before (I forget when I wrote about it and am feeling too lazy to go back and read all my posts), I said something about being on the edge of this precipice. I wasn’t on the edge then – I was a solid few feet away. I know this because I recognize that in the past several weeks, I’ve moved significantly closer to the edge than I had been. And because I can’t seem to get enough of metaphors, I’ll specify my precipice like this: I feel like a little kid standing at the edge of the pool wanting to jump in but not quite being totally ready to yet and summoning up the courage to just go for it. That’s me.
I was going to say that it’s not just all spiritual that it’s life stuff, too, but really, in my mind, there is no difference when I really get down to it. The two are inextricably linked. They are, in fact, the same for me. Separating them would be like trying to separate the body from the mind, except in this case, it’s all of that from the spirit.
So, what am I waiting for? I have a few things left to process. I think of this as time spent building up the energy before releasing it into the Universe. Right now, I am grounding and churning that energy within me. I need to taste it, to breathe it, to feel it course through me, to hear it and smell it. I need to honor it so that I can be it. Because that is the only way it will really be released. How can we truly release something and let go of it if we don’t know every inch of it, are able to recognize it from every angle and perspective, see how it plays on the stage of our life and recognize it despite all the disguises it wears?
I see myself as having been partially open here and there throughout my life, somewhat receptive to what the Universe was offering me. I’ve accepted a handful of its gifts and lessons. But I’ve never fully let everything go. Never fully trusted. Never had the courage to be completely open in the way I know I need to be. And that’s what I’m preparing for. That jump. That point from which I will never be able to return. After which I will never be the same again. And while I’m focusing this energy that I am preparing to release, I am also coaching myself to get to the point where I really want this. Knowing that it might turn my world upside down, that it may come with sacrifices. And the more time I reflect, the more I want it. The more I crave it. And when the time comes, I will blend that deep aching and yearning with that which I will release and then…we shall see.