Never does the mundane seem as detestably annoying to me than shortly after experiencing truly amazing connectedness and spiritual attunement. In the past two days, I have witnessed and been a part of some truly phenomenal events with some amazing women. And as I attempted to “buckle down” and complete 3 papers and some reading that are all due on Monday, I felt myself only able to finish the one that was the least demanding. I’ve been sitting with one of the other ones, having made some notes on my laptop as to things to consider when writing, incoherent and sloppy ideas in random paragraphs spanning about a page and a half, and feeling murky un-togetherness as I unsuccessfully tried to do something with it all.
I tried to calm myself down by stepping away from it all for a bit and picking up one of my eagerly-anticipated books that I just bought – Judith Duerk’s I Sit Listening… – but even that didn’t help, and I found myself unable to make sense of the words I saw on the pages as if they were written in another language. So I tried another book – Fowler’s work on stages of faith. But I only managed about 5 pages into that before putting it down as well.
And rushing through my head are all of the things I need to do for school that are all quickly approaching like…oh, fuck it. I can’t even be metaphorical right now. Suffice it to say, there are lots of assignments that are all due at once. It feels suffocating. How in the hell am I going to manage doctoral work when this is just making me want to run? Or crawl into my bed and spit my tongue out at the rest of the world for being so demanding that I do everything on its schedule. Fuck, adding another course to my load next semester makes me dizzy at the thought of it.
I didn’t go to kickboxing or jujitsu this week. Oh! That’s it! I am totally not grounded! No wonder I feel like ass. I’ve got way too much energy coursing through me right now to be able to be productive. Physical activity for me is the best way to ground my energy. I really need to keep a better eye on that. All right, gentle reader, I’m off to do some push-ups. I really wish I had a heavy bag. Push-ups and crunches will have to do.