There seems to be a process in which we experience things in our lives, whether they are events, emotions, thoughts, etc. and either let them go or integrate them into our existence. I’m less concerned with what happens up to the point of the actual processing of the experience and more concerned with what happens during and after. In my experience, I can know something on a superficial level without it really affecting me. For example, I can know that I am angry or upset about something without actually allowing myself to live those emotions, to submit to the experience of them, embrace them, really feel them in all their tart, bitter juiciness. It is when I live those emotions that they come to life and I can truly process what it is to feel them and what the situation that helped in part to provoke them (along with my own interpretation of that situation) means.
The same thing goes for lots of experiences. Difficult or traumatic events, thoughts, ideas, philosophies, etc. For me, superficial knowing (how I think most people regard the idea of ‘knowing’, though probably not most of my readers here because you’re all in a happy minority) is a static state. It does not require action. I can easily know I am in a dysfunctional relationship without feeling I have to do anything about it (and I speak from experience here). It isn’t until I embrace what that experience means that I am moved to live it and thus find myself needing to act. Living is the point of no return. Living is real knowing (knowing-what-you-know knowing). The kind of knowing you feel in your center that sits there with such intensity that there is no debating what it is that you know. You just know it. That level of knowing cannot be un-known, taken away, returned, exchanged for the previous state of not-knowing, and because of this, it is the impetus for action. If one does not act after knowing on this level, this living of the experience, serious problems arise.
This comes to mind for me today because although I have come to a point of knowing that we are all One, I’m still working out the everyday aspects of it all. I find it easy to see my Oneness with certain wonderful people in my life. In those cases, I get excited even about being One. I was in an emotionally-drained funk yesterday and one of my wonderful friends reminded me that I’m One with the Dalai Lama. Who wouldn’t want to be One with him? It is my Oneness with certain other people that poses a challenge to me and stretches my muscles of compassion to what feels like their limit. But even as I write this, I know they have no limits, that my capacity for compassion is infinite. And I also know that recognizing my struggle with these people is a wonderful thing because it can point me to my own shortcomings because more often than not, what drives me nuts in others is the traits and habits I’ve struggled with in myself. And if I can love those things in myself, gently massage them to the point where they melt away, then that will be mirrored on the outside, and I know that my difficulty with certain people will lessen immensely. That I will See them with new eyes.
I am beginning to live my Truth. I think that I had had a silly notion that as soon as I discovered it, everything would become easier. But these things – these perceived difficulties and challenges – are the stones that pave the path to the One. And thus, I am very grateful for them.