So I’ve got this food analogy to explain how I generally approach difficult issues in my life that take some time to sort out which I’m going to be discussing in a minute (daughter of a chef = I can whip up a food analogy for just about anything, no pun intended). When I was thinking about how to begin this post, I started off in my head with, “Have you ever sat down at a table with all this lovely food prepared before you, and though your appetite was huge and you loved what you saw, your stomach just turned at the thought of eating it for some reason?” And the Mama jumped in with, “Oh really? You see all of this as lovely and you want to dive right in?” And she raised an eyebrow. Shit. Touché, Mama. Then I thought of a little kid who’s a terribly picky eater being forced to eat peas (memories from childhood here), and the little kid is whining. No, that’s not me. “Oh?” the Mama interjects. Not all the time, Mama. “Mm-hmm…” with Her eyebrow still raised and now She’s just crossed her arms. Fuck.
Yes, some times a lot of the time, that’s me. I go on and on about how I want to grow, but when it comes down to doing the work and when facing the not-beauty that is a bunch of the issues I’m dealing with isn’t pleasant, I don’t want to dive right in. Whether they’re good for me or not, I hate peas.
I have a number of big issues that are arrayed on this vast dining room table in front of me at the moment. And the thing with big issues – particularly ones I don’t want to just gobble up – is that I can’t sort them all out at once. I can’t sort one of them in one sitting. Or I probably could but the thought makes me want to vomit. Because they’re all things that I’d like to pretend aren’t before me. That gigantic bowl of peas (issues with my parents), a huge tray of olives (internship details), a large plate of coleslaw (issues of shame/guilt), etc. And that’s not even all. There’s a big vat of lima beans, another bowl of kidney beans, and I think I smelled some boiled cabbage lurking around here, too. So I sit here, at this proverbial table, staring at these things. Most of the time, I’m trying to will them into non-existence while the rest of the time I’m trying to build up the courage to at least take a bite. And let’s just say that the going is slow.
So what’s on your table? How do you approach and manage to eat up all the unpleasant dishes in your life?