The only way out is through…

For the past two or three days I’ve been congested and sniffly.  Ever since I stopped smoking (aside from some throat issues I had toward the end of May and beginning of June, which was also energetic and not physical), I haven’t had this problem.  Most of the time when I’m suffering from anything that appears to be physical, it’s usually something energetic that’s just manifesting in a physical way to draw my attention to it so I can work through it.  Thankfully, it’s not the first form of communication Momma reaches for to get through to me, but it isn’t too far down the list either.  What usually helps me begin to figure out what the underlying issue may be is to state what’s going on physically in broad terms.  In this instance, my head is out of whack and can’t decide how it wants to/should express itself (congestion or runny nose, both, etc.).

A number of exciting new things have been going on with me recently that range from coming home to who I am, remembering bits and pieces of previous lives and previous paths to a possible internship opening up, and finding that I might have the money needed to complete the first year of a 2 year-long training in a form of therapy that is exactly how I want to practice professionally.  A common theme that I found running through three out of the four of these issues/events (and loads of other places in my life) is looking to others for fill in the blank instead of looking inward to myself.   I discount myself frequently.

I think that my pattern of looking to others for advice/insight/guidance, etc. stems from a fear of failure/making serious mistakes and a fear of others judging me or thinking poorly of me.  And really, what is failure?  Does it even exist?  I don’t think it does.  As for mistakes, I think calling something a mistake is the “half-empty” version while recognizing it as a learning opportunity is the “half-full.”  As far as others judging me – that’s something I have no control over anyway, so why bother stressing about it?  All of this is ego related.  I choose to not judge it, instead I choose to say, “hmmmm – isn’t that interesting” and be thankful that it has surfaced so that I can work through it.  I choose to recognize it as a pattern of previous behavior with which I no longer will identify.

I also choose to weave some affirmations in to heal where this pattern was.  I remember the Charge of the Goddess and embrace the idea that all that I have searched for outside myself is within me, and I need only turn inward to find it.  Instead of asking myself what I “should” do, I will ask myself “What would I like to do?  What do I think would be best for me right now?”  I also choose to look at this moment and see all of these things unfolding and appreciate how exciting my ordinary life is.  🙂

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3 thoughts on “The only way out is through…

  1. I can certainly relate to looking for others for advice and insight. It takes a long time to learn to trust the things you feel and see, something I’m working on right now. The world is filled with those who would gladly lead you in the wrong direction based on their personal experiences and hang ups.

  2. “I choose to recognize it as a pattern of previous behavior with which I no longer will identify.”

    I like what you said here. When I’m feeling overwhelmed or stupid or useless, I have to remind myself that I have a choice to feel those things or not; when I do stupid or useless things, I remember that I also have a choice about my actions. It’s a powerful thing, recognizing how much control and choice we have over ourselves.

  3. goldenferi – yes, I’m also finding it takes some practice to learn to trust what I see and Know.

    tehlanna – yes! When I was in my adventure therapy course, I remember my instructor correcting my speech whenever I would say something like, “I couldn’t” or “I had to” by telling me I chose (not) to. It was off-putting at first, but empowering later when I reflected on it. 🙂

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