Ever since last night, I have felt a surge of energy, a renewal of being. When I ground and surrender my Self to the Momma, I feel my Self truly surrendering. I feel all of me drifting down through my feet, down through my roots into the cool earth that is Her body and being released and embraced there. In Trust. In Love. Before, whenever I would surrender, there was a part of it that felt forced, a part of it that felt like it was what I knew I knew I had to do, but I wouldn’t permit my whole heart to be in it. It is deliciously different now. I feel closer to Her than I have ever felt.
I finished Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood tonight. Signmom had lent me the book when we were together after reading me delicious excerpts of it over the phone before our visit. As I was reading it tonight, I saw that the people in the book lived life through all of their senses. They seemed more alive to me. I thought about how I live my life, and I don’t think I do this. There seems to be something about living actively through all of our senses that makes for a more alive life. A life that is truly lived, not endured, automated, or just acted out. Reading this book and feeling this way through the characters and transferring that to my own life in this moment is exhilarating. I don’t want to hold on to this feeling – I want to live it. Each day, every day.
That train of thought leads me to think about a discussion on mindfulness that took place in my class today; how when we’re more aware of our Selves, we are less automatic and more choice-driven in our actions. I also think about Tolle’s A New Earth, about awareness, living in the Now. Synchronicity. It all seems to be saying the same thing to me just using slightly different language. I wonder at how the Universe and the Momma speaks to me, gently (usually) repeating the same message using different words to reach out and connect to me on numerous levels, to allow me to connect back to It and to actually hear what I am being told.