I discussed in my previous post about how stumbles and mistakes I make along my path and life were really opportunities for learning and growth. Over the past two days, opportunity has come ‘a knocking on my door. About a week or so ago, I did a tarot reading that informed me I would be experiencing a loss of health and/or money in order to learn a lesson and that the lesson would be less painful if I saw it as such and tried to understand it. Shortly after that, I noticed I was coughing more, my glands in my throat were a little swollen, but other than that, no further symptoms. I remembered from my tarot reading that part of this was to force me to slow down and spend some time in reflection; however, I was pursuing a training outside of school that would last the whole weekend, so there was only so much slowing down I could do.
Then, Monday night, I experienced some car issues. I would need to wait until Tuesday morning to get my car to the shop and as I was sitting and having coffee that day, I was chatting with the Momma, and I knew that this experience concerned the lesson mentioned in my tarot reading. She told me that my job was to not freak out when I learned how much it would cost to fix my car, that I had the money to pay for it, though I didn’t want to spend it. I was working hard to be open to learning this lesson and to being friends with the Now, as Eckhart Tolle puts it, and didn’t flinch (though inwardly I took a deep breath) when my mechanic gave me the total for the repairs my car needed. My car wouldn’t be done until probably toward the end of today.
He gave me a ride home yesterday, and I was still maintaining myself, but as the day wore on, it got harder, and I eventually slipped up. I kept repeating to myself “This, too, shall pass” and I knew that I was not supposed to explain my car situation in detail to two people I talked to on the phone, but I felt this overwhelming urge to do so. And I did. I was triggered again when I went to the store up the street to buy a few groceries and the idea of spending money sent my stomach into more knots. I tried to get myself back on track, reminding myself that this was a lesson, that the Momma would take care of me, as I filtered through some ideas as to what this lesson could be. By the evening, I was feeling all sorts of crappy. And I was looking forward to hitting my reset button when I went to sleep last night.
When I got up this morning and took my coffee and cigarettes outside on my balcony, I noticed I felt considerably better. I thought back to yesterday and to the compelling urge to tell those two people about my car issues and saw that I was complaining. I wanted them to know what I was going through very much with the energy of, “poor me, pity me!”; in other words, victim energy. I saw that that was hardly being friends with the Now, nor was it congruent with the attitude of, “this, too, shall pass” and a lack of judging my situation. I hadn’t before put together the fact that complaining in any form is victim energy manifesting and thus totally ego-driven. I started to think about how much I complain, how much I judge situations I am involved in. I remembered what one of the instructors of my training said about how when we judge something, we lower our vibration and level of consciousness. I thought back to the parables Tolle recounts in A New Earth, about the Buddhist master that continually said, “Is that so?”, and the man who consistently replied, “Maybe” when people informed him of either his good or bad luck, and the king that sought enlightenment and was given a ring by a Buddhist master that bore the inscription I’d been trying to repeat to myself: “This, too, shall pass” – a message to consider when facing any situation and to be looked at before judging anything as positive or negative. And it began to click and come together for me. And that feeling of calm and peace I had when my car first started having issues Monday night and that I’d had throughout the day Monday when I was kayaking with friends and feeling at peace with everything going on in my life returned. I felt my vibration heighten as I began to be able to detach myself from this situation and embrace this lesson.