Rebirthing and transformation

For the past couple weeks, I’ve noticed that I  have had the feeling of being pushed out of the space that I am in.  I have been challenged to move out of my comfort zone that I have grown accustomed to and in which I feel “safe.”  When I have looked around at the people that I know, I’ve seen that most, if not all, of them are feeling and experiencing something similar.  I do not believe in coincidence, and when I encounter situations such as these when so many people seem to be going through the same experience, each in their own ways, I look to see what’s going on in the universe via astrology, I look to the Wheel of the Year to see if what we’re experiencing is reflected there. As of yet, I haven’t found a credible and reliable source for astrological events, which means that I’m focusing on the Wheel of the Year.

This time of year is one of birthing and rebirthing as spring begins in earnest.  When I began reflecting on the process of birthing, Momma pointed out that birthing can be a very difficult and messy process.  Even the “easy” births are usually filled first with pain and difficulty, so it’s understandable that the more complicated births be even harder, more painful, and messier.  Then I read some comments on Sue Ann’s blog about leaving our comfort zones in order to grow. What else is the womb but the ultimate comfort zone? Yet, we obviously cannot stay in that space forever. There comes that point when we have to leave the womb, that safe haven, that point when staying in it becomes dangerous even to our Selves. Perhaps that is part of what is going on right now.

The opportunity for rebirth (transformation) throughout the course of a single life time presents itself again and again. When we have grown as much as we can in a certain space and energy there is nothing left for us there, staying there means stagnation and static, and can even be painful. Yet, it’s become comfortable and safe for us. We know that space. We have chartered its territory and there are few, if no, surprises any more. We adapted and learned the new “rules” and experiences of that space. New manifestations of cause and effect. We forget as time passed that when we first entered it that it felt terrifying, harsh, unpredictable, unsteady, unstable, perhaps even unknowable. This forgetting disables us from seeing that we moved through that time, that we grew through that time, possibly and probably more than we thought we were capable of. And so we freeze as our safe space begins to poke us and prod us to leave because it knows we cannot stay, we are not meant to. We resist and fight in order to stay and make our journey even more painful in the process (we create our own reality). We see previews of the new manifestations of cause and effect in the new space and allow our fears to rule us, paralyze us, underestimating our Selves the entire time.

I have forgotten what it took to get me where I am. I have forgotten that when I left the last space I was in that I grew in ways I never thought I could, that I experienced great joy and love through the lessons the most recent unfamiliar-turned-familiar space I walked through brought me. The new space that is awaiting my full arrival and presence right now  is one where I need to fully embrace Trust and Surrender, more so than I ever have before. The landscape appears unnavigable from where I sit right now and most of the tools I currently have will not suffice. I remind myself that I felt the same way the last time I was being evicted from my comfort zone and choose to trust that I will find new tools, I will find new ways of using the tools I have. I choose to surrender, to leap and trust that the net will appear.

If you’re like me, then you also, when confronted by uncomfortable experiences, focus almost solely on what your fears dictate.  Let me offer you a reframe for this time to counter what your fears are saying: a (re)birth is a beautiful and fabulous thing.  It is something to be celebrated because you could not be experiencing it if you had not grown all that you could possibly grow in the space in which you’ve been.  You have learned all the lessons you could in that space and now you are ready and are capable of learning new lessons, of having new experiences.  I invite you to take Joy in that and find Peace in knowing that you’ve been through this experience before, and you can sail through it again. Many blessings as you continue on your journey.

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More on self-acceptance

I’ve had a lot of hits on my post about self-acceptance being a pre-requisite to self-love, and a lot of those have been people that were also searching for the term NA (Narcotics Anonymous).  This leads me to believe (and I would certainly welcome any who found me through those search terms to comment and provide me with some feedback!) that self-acceptance is a huge part of the recovery process from substance dependence/abuse.  That being said, it’s not just for people in recovery – it’s something that I truly believe is for everyone.  A good bit of time has passed since I wrote that post, and I’ve had more experience with the process of self-acceptance, so I thought I’d take some time to share more of my personal experience with it.

Self-acceptance is a process.  Did you get that?  It’s a process. It is not a one-time-get-it-done-and-it’s-done-forever deal.  I’ve found that as soon as I learn to accept myself in one moment, something will inevitably come up later that will show me some other pieces(s) of me and/or my behavior and choices I’ve made that I have to deal with and work through.  I’ve mentioned before here that my partner is a theta healer, and during my healing sessions with her, I almost always find things that I would identify and label as ugly that are lurking around in my head or that were the fuel for poor choices I have made or patterns of behavior that I have been, up to that point in time, unable to figure out and change.  A “technique”, for lack of a better word, that I’ve begun employing is that of witnessing these things, standing apart from them and recognizing that they are not who I am.  I want to be clear that this is not a form of denial –  I own fully and take full responsibility for the fact that these thoughts are in my head, that the choices are choices I have made.  The difference comes by not attaching these things to my identity as a being, not defining my Self by them.  Witnessing them allows me to stand in a more objective point of reference, free of judgment.  So when I find them, I can take any stance from, “Hmmm…isn’t that interesting” to downright laughing at them.

All that being said, witnessing in this way is also not easy.  I slip up a lot and fall back into that judgmental thinking and exclaim things like, “Shit – I sound so horrible!”  And when I do, I try to catch myself, I breathe, and I try to move back into a space of non-judgment.  Our society and most people in it train us to think that we are what we do, what we think, etc.  This simply is not true.  Attaching these sort of things to our identity feeds our ego (here, I’m using the term ego the way that Eckhart Tolle uses it in his book A New Earth) and allows our ego to have control over us instead of it being the other way around.

I firmly believe that we each create our own reality.  This can sound damning to some and can spark a defensive reaction – truth be told, I don’t really care.  It is what it is.  Because we create our own reality, we have the power to change it if we want.  And while certain things may not be able to be changed, we can change how we choose to  interact with them.

There are certain things that threaten self-acceptance, and I see one of the most significant as maintaining a victim stance and victim energy.  If you’re not sure if you’re in this space, here are a couple hints: 1) if you’ve said to yourself, ‘but it’s not my fault!’ or ‘yeah, but my life’s a lot harder than yours’ or, ‘I didn’t create this mess!’ or something similar at any point through the course of reading this post, 2) if the part about creating our own reality hit your ‘fuck you button’, or 3) if the dominant emotion you’re feeling (now or in general) is self-pity then you probably got yourself  stuck in victim energy. You chose victim energy.  And just as you chose it, you can un-choose it.

I’m a practicing Witch.  Scott Cunningham (one of the most fabulous people to ever walk this planet) compiled a list of 13 goals for a Witch.  And while these are specifically directed to Witches, I believe the very first one is pertinent to all people of whatever life style, religion/spiritual affiliation, background, etc.  It’s “know yourself.”  Knowing your self is a crucial piece of accepting your self.  And besides that, knowing your self means knowing how to differentiate what is really you from what’s just behavior or thoughts that you ‘put on’ that might describe about you but do not define you.  Changing anything about you can be difficult but is very possible.  But just like how people suffering from any kind of substance abuse or dependence need to hit rock bottom and get to a point where to stay the same is more painful and more uncomfortable than changing, so it is with any kind of change.

I want to reiterate that self-acceptance is a process.  It’s a path, a choice that needs to be made over and over and over again.  It’s work, but it’s work that holds unestimable value.  🙂