I am determined on my good days and stubborn on my more contrary days. Typically (though this is certainly a pattern I am working on changing), I pass up the easy way of learning lessons in favor of the harder, messier way. But not always.
Much has changed and been changing in my world over the course of the last year, and I had posted about a year ago marking an end to that chapter of my life, intending on creating a new blog to officially begin the next chapter. I did. I went to that blog the other day and saw that I had written one post. But, as ever, my Teacher in her return to her own blog helped me to re-member (in so many words) that everything new is built on what has come before. I paused as I was reading her post and examined my original intention for the blog I had set out to create a year ago, and I realized that my intention was to take the easy way – it was more about getting away from everything that had come before, feeling embarrassed about what or how I had written what I wrote and wanting to distance myself from it, rather than embracing what had been in gratitude and moving toward what was to come. Perhaps that’s why I never wrote there.
My element is Fire (one of the things I’ve learned over the past year and a half or so). The phoenix is a creature associated with Fire and with whom I have resonated for a long time – continually transforming, changing, dying, and rebirthing itself from the ashes of what it was. When I think now about this space that I created, that I have changed through many times over, I see it as a pile of ashes, left from the last death simply resting and waiting for that spark of my will to rebirth it once more.
As challenging as the past year has been, as jam packed with huge lessons and steep learning curves, as much as I have bitched my way through it, it has been about change. I may crave a boring day now and again (admittedly more frequently over this past year), but change is not just something I do, it is a piece of who I am, my very nature. And so while it may be best for others to stand outside or nearby or never go near the Fire of change, it is where and how I live.