Well, hell…

I wrote yesterday about ‘forgetting’ during my post-epiphany haze that we don’t move from winter to summer – both in the literal sense in terms of the seasons, and in the figurative sense in terms of the cycles of living. I completely believe that change can and does happen overnight – but I’ve been taught and also wholeheartedly believe that change takes place first inside before it begins manifesting outside. The spring is a time primarily of internal changes.

I have a Goddess amulet divination set. It’s made of a number of small, round resin pieces that have etchings/carvings on the face depicting different faces of the Goddess, different animals or objects, different symbols associated with Her. I bought it years ago and though I don’t use it frequently, generally preferring The Witches Tarot if I’m doing divination work, but there are times when nothing but the set of amulets will do. During this time of brand new beginnings, this spring in the cycle of living, I’m reminded of one amulet in particular that seems to capture where I am now and what I need to re-member. Quite fittingly given what’s been going on in my life and world, it’s a symbol called Whirlwinds, and its associated phrase is ‘Trusting the Invisible.’

The amulet depicts a whirling design around the figure of what is (but doesn’t really look like) a butterfly. The butterfly’s shape is described in the book to be like a double axe (the symbol dates back to 7,000 BCE). Just in that information alone is a wealth of information. The butterfly, a symbol longstanding to represent transformation; the whirling design around it pointing to the wisdom that transformation is not a calm, even-keeled process but one that turns everything on its head and, as my lovely Southern wife would say, makes everything go ‘everwhichaways;’ and, the figure of the butterfly shaped like a double axe to signify that in any transformation is the inherent process of death which makes room for rebirth.

When I read about this amulet in the book that accompanied the set, it notes that when the Whirlwinds amulet is selected, “you may not be able to see tangible proof or reap an immediate reward, but your efforts have definitely influenced your environment. You may be used to wanting and expecting immediate results and gratification, but you can’t expect to pick fruit the day you plant the tree” (p. 176). Who me?! Well, hell. I don’t know about you, but that about sums up what’s going on in my internal space in a nutshell. The description goes on to remind me that everything requires and must go through a period of gestation in the realm of the invisible, and further goes on to say that if the Universe gave me everything I wanted all at once, I would be completely overwhelmed and end up sabotaging myself. While I can whine and protest all day long that that may not be true, I have learned to trust that I don’t want the Universe’s job of knowing and being in charge of all that stuff. The description continues by reminding me to find my center and not let the ‘storms’ around me to distract me; to keep my vision alive and maintain my focus on it so the Universe doesn’t get confused during this gestation period about whether or not I truly want to birth what I originally said I did; and, to “keep your outcome in mind, no matter what is going on around you” (p.177). Cause all of that’s a walk in the park, right?

When I review the past week (or go further back, but we’re not going to focus on that right now) and assess how I’ve been doing with all of that, the first thought that comes to mind is, “Shit,” and I find that I’m self-zinged once again. I’d like to pause a moment in this, though, and celebrate that I’m aware enough to be able to zing myself like this, that I’m tuned in enough to hear from the Goddess and God that something’s off with me or in my space, and then, to have a strong enough connection with Them to actually be able to find it and give voice to it. Not too long ago, it would have taken me a lot longer than several days to get here, if I were able to do so at all. Back to assessing. I have not been remotely centered this week. I have been extremely distracted by the ‘storms’ around me. I’ve been pouty, whiney, and cranky like a 3 year old who’s being denied a cookie and not been gathering up my will to focus on doing the work of maintaining my vision of being grounded in the spiritual instead of the physical and everything that entails.

So, I stumbled. It happens. Part of that whole growing and learning thing. The thing about stumbling is that I now have a choice, a decision to make – just like everyone does when they stumble. And it comes, quite simply (though that certainly is not to say ‘easily’) down to choosing to wallow in my mis-step or getting up off my ass, tapping in to all that Fire and Will within me, and getting to work.  Without further ado…

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2 thoughts on “Well, hell…

  1. This reminds me of that old expression, “God, give me patience, and give it to me NOW!”

    🙂

    I imagine that one day, all of the delays (and, occasionally) denials will make much more sense. In the meantime, may you be joyful and at peace on your journey. xox

  2. Indeed! We frequently say around here, “Momma, don’t TEACH me patience, just give it to me!”

    I imagine they will as well 🙂 Thank you, sweet Grace.

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