A new perspective on ‘those days’

You know those days? The ones where one thing after another goes some kind of wrong or just not the way you want it to (usually in a really annoying and frustrating way)?  Unless you’ve led an amazingly blessed life or are a bhodisattva, I’m sure you know what I mean. Do you notice that they ‘those days’ don’t even have a concrete name?  You can say to a perfect stranger that you’re having ‘one of those days,’ and they’ll know exactly what you’re talking about – you need not elaborate. And typically (or at least in my experience), when you share with the stranger the kind of day you’re having in those very simplistic terms, a knowing expression usually lights upon their face and they may nod, head slightly inclined, sympathetically.

I am happy and enormously grateful to report that today is NOT one of those days for me. However, about a month ago, I had two of those days. In a row. Has that ever happened to you? According to those of us who are me, I think this should be against Universal law. It’s usually bad enough when they happen just all by themselves, but twice in a row?  No, thank you. On my drive home from work that second night, I was pondering the experience of having two of these in quick succession. And as I sat in that space, feeling completely run-down to the point where I had nothing left to even say, an idea came to me. Karmic debt.

If you’re walking on the planet, you have karmic debt. You may never have had a credit card, never have had bills that you didn’t immediately pay, have always paid for things in cash or maybe a debit card, never have had student or any other kind of loans, etc. Karmic debt is a different story. It is impossible to not accrue. I’m convinced that even the Dalai Lama has karmic debt. I also think there are different kinds of karmic debt. Some times, you have karmic debt with specific people – people you’ve wronged in some way in this or another life time. Other times, karmic debt is more general. And because karmic debt exists on the metaphysical level, it’s not like dealing with a collection agency with whom you could set up payment plans. Nope. Nor can you screen your phone calls when earthly collection agencies harass you or ignore and just shred your mail. I have concluded that the Universe takes its karmic debt payments via the form of, among other things, ‘those days.’ Thus, I have named ‘those days’ karmic debt collection days, or KDC days for short.

Here’s the up side: when you have a KDC day, you’ve just paid off some of your debt. That specific debt is then done. Your balance in that area has just moved to (or at least closer to) zero. Yeah for you!!!  Congratulations!!  You won’t (more than likely) ever have to have exactly that experience again. That’s not to say that you won’t ever have another KDC day – you probably will – but not one exactly like that with those people and those circumstances. That is certainly something to celebrate.

With all this talk of karmic debt, it’s important, I think, to remember that there is another side to the story. The Universe is built on balance, and if you’re walking around on the planet right now, then there’s a really solid chance that you’ve got a bank of good/happy karma as well. Have you ever had a day where everything just went ‘right’ – whatever that looked like for you? Where a bunch of things that were happy at you happened? Maybe you found a kick ass pair of boots on sale or received an unexpected compliment or found money in a parking lot or were running late to something and got all green lights on your drive there so you were still on time or you had an aha! moment out of nowhere about some issue you’d been struggling with that lifted a huge burden off your shoulders, etc. Those days, which I don’t think get near as much press as the KDC days, are like a big squishy hug from the Universe. A metaphysical bravo!  well done! Yeah for you! 

So is there a way to ensure more of those happy karma days than the KDC days? I think so. And I think that the heart of that answer lies in service to others. Not just when it’s convenient or easy for or to you – that doesn’t take a whole lot from us so there won’t be much return in our direction – but perhaps especially when it’s not. When it’s not expected or requested, but just because. When we work to do something for others or give something to others just because it would be happy at/for them. The ‘at/for them’ part is important. It’s pretty easy to imagine what would be happy for/at us and then to do or be that for someone else, but more challenging to empathize to the point of totally stepping out of our own space and completely taking the perspective of another. And then following through.

In closing, I wish you all many happy karma days and remind you to take comfort in the middle and at the end of those KDC days and to simply breathe through them and ride them out!

Happy writing!

I have finally buckled down, put on my writing cap (not literally, though if I did have a literal writing cap, I think I would want it to be in a magenta, silver, and gold plaid newsboy style), and got back to working on my book which I’ve, admittedly, been neglecting. I have finished the first draft of my first chapter, and I find I am filled with all sorts of bubbly and excited energy. It doesn’t matter that I know I’ll revise it probably a billion times before the whole book is done, it doesn’t matter that I know I need to improve my writing in and of itself, it doesn’t matter that I have a zillion and one ideas as to where I want it to go from here and (at the moment at least) I don’t know how it will unfold, it doesn’t matter that I want a huge part of it to take place in South Carolina and that I’ve never spent any time in South Carolina and so don’t really know what it’s like there and wouldn’t it be awesome if I could take a road trip and spend time there, but we definitely don’t have the funds for that right now, etc. See, bubbly. What does matter is that I decided I needed to take time to write and I did. What does matter is that I am following Momma and Papa’s directions and working on it. What does matter is that I commit myself to continue this work and to improve and to communicate what Momma and Papa tell me is needed so that this book can be both entertaining and healing for those who will one day read it. I trust that everything will unfold and fall into place as it’s time. Speaking of time, at the moment, I need to get some help from some other writers and readers that I trust to provide me with some good, solid, constructive feedback. 🙂

Exes: An Update

Well, I couldn’t write that last post about J and not update you when there’s updating to be done!

He stuck in my head. Since I had the dream, I just kept thinking about him. I’m sure it helped that my wife has just begun a secondary relationship and so there was (and is) New Relationship Energy (NRE) floating around the house like crazy (you know, that exciting and bubbling mix of energy when you begin a new relationship that’s like a bright and effervescent prosecco?  In poly circles, we call that NRE). And in our house this year, Papa’s return since Yule has manifested in an abundance of sexual energy that has us giggling while we shake our heads and remind each other that no, it’s really not Beltane, despite the fact that it feels like it on an energetic level. That probably contributed also.

So, on my birthday (the 26th), I decided to check in with my new pendulum (an adorable little sunshiney carnelian) about responding to the last message he’d sent me on linked in (in 2008). It practically screamed ‘yes’ to me, and my insides erupted in a frenzy of fluttering like a handful of faeries hyped up on jolt cola. After I managed to calm myself down a bit, I set to work forming a short and concise (hard to imagine, but yes, I am capable of this when necessary and with great effort) attempt at reaching out and clicked ‘send.’

I’m going to pause here to inform you, in case you hadn’t figured it out yet, that I am a girly girl. Not to great extremes (I don’t get manicures and pedicures, I don’t have an innate sense that enables me to distinguish between Prada, Gucci, and Dolce & Gabbana and the various seasons and years of their lines, I don’t keep up with celeb gossip, etc.), but I am girly, and I know it. Unfortunately, the combination of girliness and having to wait for a response from an old flame makes for a potentially diabolical combination. Thus was I spinning in circles in my head wondering if he would make me wait three years before responding like I had or fantasizing about his immediate response asking me where I was so that he could catch the first flight here and make passionate and crazy love to me as soon as was humanly possible or wondering if he was married or if he still wore that badge of arrogant asshole on his sleeve proudly or what our babies would look like or if he still used his linked in account and what if he didn’t and didn’t get my message or what if I wasn’t meant to reconnect with him since he was my heroine and could I handle it better this time than a decade ago, etc., etc. You see?  Crazy.

He responded I think a day and a half (or so) later. Believe it or not, I had not been profusely checking my email over the course of that time. I had vowed to myself that I would not let myself become that consumed because it would be imbalanced. When I saw the bold letters forming his name on my gmail inbox screen, everything within me hitched for half a moment. Exhaling, I tentatively laid my hand over my mouse and clicked. Within the first five sentences, I was reassured that he had ripped off the arrogant asshole badge. As I moved on to the second paragraph, though, my feet figuratively flew out from underneath me. He was married. I summoned my strength, swallowed, and managed to finish reading the remainder of the message. When I had gotten to the last word and his salutation, I felt like a forgotten balloon three days after a party. Three-quarters of the way deflated, I quietly called for my wife, and she read over my shoulder.

Now, my wife is not girly. Whether it’s because she’s old as dirt (on a soul-level), is a healer, or whatever, she simply doesn’t have girl friends. Most of the relationships she begins with other woman (of the platonic variety), typically end up with her being their healer and them not knowing how to maintain multiple-role relationships and still be a friend. So my wife has never had girl friends. What’s interesting (and highly amusing to me) is that since my wife has begun this secondary relationship, she has started to become girly. Yet, because this is totally foreign territory to her, she doesn’t know how to do the “girl friend thing” in situations such as the one in which I found myself. I am incredibly blessed that my wife is who she is and that our relationship is what it is because she was, in the midst of confessing she had no idea how to help me or what to do as I stared numbly at the screen, promising me everything from cursing him till he was dead or making his penis fall off to getting me ice cream to just squishing me to…etc. And when she wasn’t saying that, she was simply repeating these words, “comforting words, hug-hug, squish-squish, lick-lick-thrust-thrust, comforting words.” It was adorable.

I did finally break down and start crying and snotting a little while later. In the end, I determined I needed to shop (see, girly), and so we went to Target and spent my gift card from my parents on an adorable new shir, skirt, and some awesome body lotion. A few days later, I determined that it seemed as though J had accomplished what I had always hoped for him: to strip away all the bull shit and be the amazing person I knew was buried under there somewhere that I had caught occasional glimpses of. I comprised a response that I think managed to be authentic in its joy for him and confirm for him that he was accurate in that I had departed very far from the space I was in when he knew me last without verbally vomitting any of the details of that departure for him (I mean, come on, how would you react if the ex of yours came out and said that their sexual orientation had changed, that they were in a totally unconventional relationship, and that they were a practicing Witch?  It’s a little overwhelming even for the most open-minded of people and hard to communicate all at once without seeming aggressive).

I haven’t received any further communication from him, and I actually feel okay about that. If there still is unfinished business between us, we’ll either tend to it at some point before either of us die or just try again in another life. One thing that this whole situation did help me to realize is that I am not interested at this point in my life in relationships that don’t have that soul-level connection and substance to them. Romantic, platonic, whatever. This is something of a break-through for me, and one that I’m glad I’ve made because now that I know that, I can clearly communicate this desire to the Universe and Momma and Papa.